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Hello all,
Here is an outstanding article by Leo Babauta that will give you a different look at Gratitude!
8 Tremendously Important Ways That Gratitude Can Change Your Life By Leo Babauta
It's amazing how one simple, easy, positive action can change so much in a person's life.
One of the things that has had the biggest effect on my life is the realization of the power of gratitude. Simply giving thanks.
It has affected everything. It has made me a more positive person. A more productive person. A better achiever. A better husband and father and son and brother (at least, I like to think so). A happier person. I'm not perfect, but gratitude has made me better.
Can it change your life as well? I can guarantee it. You might not get the exact same benefits as I have, but there's no doubt in my mind that the simple act of gratitude on a regular basis will change anyone's life, positively and immediately. How many other changes can claim to be that quick, that easy, and that profound?
Let's take a look at some of the ways you can incorporate gratitude into your life, and how it will change your life. These are just some examples, based on my experience and the experiences of others I've talked with, and not all will apply to your life. But pick and choose the ones you think will work for you.
1. Have a morning gratitude session. Take one minute in the morning (make it a daily ritual) to think of the people who have done something nice for you, to think of all the things in your life you're grateful for. You won't get to everything in one minute, but it's enough. And it will instantly make your day better, and help you start your day off right. Can you think of a better use of one minute?
2. When you're having a hard day ... make a gratitude list. We all have those bad days sometimes. We are stressed out from work. We get yelled at by someone. We lose a loved one. We hurt a loved one. We lose a contract or do poorly on a project. One of the things that can make a bad day much better is making a list of all the things you're thankful for. There are always things to be thankful for -- loved ones, health, having a job, having a roof over your head and clothes on your back, life itself.
3. Instead of getting mad at someone, show gratitude.
That's a major switching of attitudes -- actually a complete flip. And so this isn't always easy to do. But I can promise you that it's a great thing to do. If you get mad at your co-worker, for example, because of something he or she did ... bite your tongue and don't react in anger. Instead, take some deep breaths, calm down, and try to think of reasons you're grateful for that person. Has that person done anything nice for you? Has that person ever done a good job? Find something, anything, even if it's difficult. Focus on those things that make you grateful. It will slowly change your mood. And if you get in a good enough mood, show your gratitude to that person.
It will improve your mood, your relationship, and help make things better. After showing gratitude, you can ask for a favor -- can he please refrain from shredding your important documents in the future? And in the context of your gratitude, such a favor isn't such a hard thing for the co-worker to grant.
4. Instead of criticizing your significant other, show gratitude. This is basically the same as the above tactic, but I wanted to point out how gratitude can transform a marriage or relationship. If you constantly criticize your spouse, your marriage will slowly deteriorate -- I promise you. It's important to be able to talk out problems, but no one likes to be criticized all the time. Instead, when you find yourself feeling the urge to criticize, stop and take a deep breath. Calm down, and think about all the reasons you're grateful for your spouse. Then share that gratitude, as soon as possible. Your relationship will become stronger. Your spouse will learn from your example
-- especially if you do this all the time. Your love will grow, and all will be right in the world.
5. Instead of complaining about your kids, be grateful for them. Many parents (myself included) get frustrated with their children. They are too slow to do things, they have a bad attitude, they can't clean up after themselves, and they pick their nose too much. Unfortunately, sometimes parents will communicate that frustration to their children too often, and the kids will begin to feel bad about themselves. Many parents have done this, and while it's not perfect, it's a part of parenthood. But there's a better way: follow the method above of calming down when you're frustrated, and thinking of reasons you're grateful to your child. Share these reasons with your child. And then take the opportunity to teach them, instead of criticizing them.
6. When you face a major challenge, be grateful for it.
Many people will see something difficult as a bad thing.
If something goes wrong, it's a reason to complain, it's a time of self-pity. That won't get you anywhere. Instead, learn to be grateful for the challenge -- it's an opportunity to grow, to learn, to get better at something.
This will transform you from a complainer into a positive person who only continues to improve. People will like you better and you'll improve your career. Not too shabby.
7. When you suffer a tragedy, be grateful for the life you still have. I've recently lost an aunt, and my children recently lost a grandmother. These tragedies can be crippling if you let them overcome you. And while I'm not saying you shouldn't grieve -- of course you should -- you can also take away something even greater from these
tragedies: gratitude for the life you still have.
Appreciation for the fleeting beauty of life itself. Love for the people who are still in your life. Take this opportunity to show appreciation to these people, and to enjoy life while you can.
8. Instead of looking at what you don't have, look at what you do have. Have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn't your dream house, or the car you drive isn't as nice as you'd like, or your peers have cooler gadgets or better jobs? If so, that's an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have. It's easy to forget that there are billions of people worse off than you -- who don't have much in the way of shelter or clothes, who don't own a car and never will, who don't own a gadget or even know what one is, who don't have a job at all or only have very menial, miserable jobs in sweatshop conditions. Compare your life to these people's lives, and be grateful for the life you have. And realize that it's already more than enough, that happiness is not a destination -- it's already here.
[Leo Babauta is the owner of ZenHabits.net, a website devoted to providing clear and concise wisdom on how to simplify your life. He's also the author of, The Power of
Less: The Fine Art of Limiting Yourself to the Essential, in Business and in Life.]
Raaj
I have always found this topic interesting. For some reason, I tend to be a naturally pessimistic person, but I have been trying to change that lately. I've read books such as The Secret by Rhonda Byrns which talks about how your attitude attracts what happens to you. If you expect bad things, bad things will happen, and if you expect good things, good things come. I don't find it easy to change my thinking, but I decided to make a real effort recently. Each morning before getting out of bed I think about the positive things I expect to happen that day. And right before going to sleep I try to think of all the positive things that happened. These don't have to be big things. Just little things like getting a phone call from a friend, eating something healthy instead of grabbing the handful of cookies I really wanted, not having any problems with transportation if I went someplace that day, etc. It has actually helped me go to sleep with a more relaxed feeling once I realize some positive things did happen.
Hope I helped you a bit. and I do hope you can make it to work. I mostly take things positive. but nowadays, some of my family anoyings are often disturbing me.
Raaj.
wow great article thanks for sharing :)
On every board topic, someone will eventually play devil's advicate. I guess on this one, it's going to be me. I'm not saying graditude isn't important; it is. it's necessary. But there are things that you shouldn't have to be greatful for. You shouldn't have to show graditude to the former friend who exploited every one of your weaknesses for their benefit. You shouldn't have to show graditude to the co-worker that lied to get you fired so they could eliminate you as a friend. You shouldn't have to show graditude for the bastard who raped innocent children. You shouldn't have to show graditude for the loser that beat animals for kicks.
Now, I'm not saying you need to, or should go out of your way to insult these people. if you can walk away, do it. if you can report them so the behavior will stop, do it. If you have to deal with them on a daily basis and you've realized there's nothing you can do about it, just avoid getting into situations where you have to interact whenever possible. There's no need to hurt them, but there's no need to be greatful for them either. also, if you know such people, and you've established that there's just nothing to be greatful for there, and they simply do not deserve your graditude, there's no point lingering in the anger, either. be greatful for the fact that they're gone instead.
now, having said that, I do agree that we all need to be genuinely greatful for the people who have benefited us in any way, even if they're not still benefiting you. And yes, I do agree that taking a calm, positive approach to discussing your issues with someone is the better way to go, if that person is important in your world.
thanks for saying what I didn't yet have time to say, Jess. I couldn't agree more.
I totally agree that there are certain things and people you should not have to try to be grateful for. However, holding a grudge and anger and bitterness only hurts you, not the people or situation that caused these feelings.
I held a grudge for a long time against a former co-worker who had dropped me as a friend like a hot potato for no reason that I could think of. Even after I sat down and talked to her about it and thought
we had cleared the air, things were just never the same between us. Then later when a new person was hired, I saw this person do the same thing. Only this time she did not remain friends with this new employee as long as she had with me. This made me realize that this person had a pattern of doing this to people and that I hadn't done anything to cause her to drop me. After I realized this, I was eventually able to let go of my anger and hurt feelings and was a lot happier at work and was able to be civil to her without any further feelings of resentment underneath the civility.
Isn't there a third option? One need not be subject to the control of bitterness and anger, or equally be controlled by the grateful-for-what-you-get, mealy-mouthed, pussified existence that barely leaves you human enough to expect better from yourself and others around you. Most controlling regimes who want to control people's access to resources start with making them grateful for everything they get.
Reread Oliver Twist: obviously fictional, but a controversial commentary on the church and society of the time.
The same institutions who denied masses of people access to basic necessities also invested a lot in making them grateful for what they did get. The best control mechanisms are clothed in so-called love, be it from religion or communistic sources: the end result is always the same. An impoverished populace like the abyss of London in the 19th century, much of the modern American South, or the bare rock / hell on earth your geography textbooks refer to as North Korea.
Anyone or any entity demanding grattitude is no different than the 'poor' little blind boy demanding to be an exception and get all sorts of breaks nobody else does. A heroic, strong entity or person would not need to be constantly bleating for a grattitude incompetence pass: they'd be gaining respect from a job truly well done.
So while it's certainly disadvantageous to be the neighborhood's wet blanket, ask yourself why a person or entity would need to demand your gratitude, rather than perhaps just earn your respect like a man and quit pussy-footing around in incompetence begging for the exception.
Maybe the reason they beg for grattitude like a spoiled child begging for candy is because said entities are truly incompetent, truly "special" in the least flattering sense of the word. After all, if they, like the rest of us, wanted respect, then they, like the rest of us, would ascend to greater and greater competence. And it would be self-evident by their actions: not something like we have for the way gods and governemtns and priests get justified. It would be a real job well done, which needs no explanation. There are tantrum-throwing beggars of grattitude, and there are the heroic heights-scaling earners of respect.
very well said, leo. thanks for making the point that there is, and should be, a middle ground. none of this, "if you don't show gratitude for such and such a person, that therefore means you're bitter/holding a grudge" bullshit.
Graditude should be like respect: earned; not given. and please don't confuse respect with civility, or a lack of graditude with grudges. they are very different things.
I do agree with post4. I won't be nice with who they have done bad things to me. I get along with everyone soon. On the other hand, if someone's making advantage of my good side, and testing my patiency, they may have to see my other side too. But mostly I avoid them and walk away. that is me.
Raaj.
I personally like this.
The article doesn't suggest you vie or be greatful for abuse, it suggest instead of looking at things negatively you find the good in it. This is your personal happiness not to make other happy.
Your center is personal, so if you can find the good and think about the actual good that is in your life you are less of a sad person.
Maybe that co worker is bothering you, but at some point in time they have tought you something, if only how to get around them.
If the day is a dog think about the good things and that day can shine.